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Yep, It's My Fault
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Categories: Humor and sarcasm; Human nature

Word count/read time: 506 words; 2 minutes

I got blamed for an accident at the gym. Where was I when this happened? About 35 miles away to be precise. How was it my fault? The story she told was so comical, irrational, and convoluted that I was oblivious to her scapegoating until the last sentence when she dropped the bombshell.

It started 2-1/2 weeks prior. We were hanging out at my shop and she dropped her glasses on my cement floor. The lenses survived intact but something was damaged and the glasses didn't stay in place 100%.

Then came the fateful trip to the gym. The unrepaired, ill-fitting glasses caused a problem with her headphones. For some reason she got off the treadmill but didn't turn it off! Big mistake - gym safety should have been second-nature to her as a former fitness industry professional.

She did not hear the whir of the treadmill. Didn't look at the display that said "ON" in no uncertain terms. Forgot that she left it running less than 30 seconds ago. Hopping on a moving treadmill when you are not expecting it...well, an industrial treadmill hardly flinches. Whatever speed it's going is the speed it shall remain. Hang on Dorothy because we're not in Kansas anymore!

You'd think I snuck up behind her and pushed her off.
She was fortunate in the grand scheme of things, escaping with a few burns and bruises while scampering away in shame. Motorized equipment is unforgiving of stupidity and carelessness. Treadmills have claimed lives, about three per year over the last decade. Not as many as heart attacks caused by store alarms going off, but it happens.

Her job as an insurance adjuster requires assigning blame to another entity because it's never the doer's fault. She "takes her job home with her," literally. That she was responsible for the mishap whatsoever was intolerable. Cause and effect: My floor broke her glasses, she wiped out as a result, end of story. You'd think I snuck up behind her and pushed her off.

That mindset carries over to money. She charges vacationing friends to stay with her (a two-bedroom apartment, nothing fancy). When she goes away and needs a pet-sitter, get out your checkbook if you stay there - double bonus as she saves on a pet-sitter and collects lodging fees! If her boyfriend doesn't spend enough on her or "too much" on his kids, she'll move heavens to express her disapproval.

Previously she demanded a finder's fee for an item I bought and sold that she never saw or knew about. Why? She suggested I resell the items this company was disposing of, which I was already doing, and deserved upwards of 20% because it was "her" idea. Further, she demanded this commission retroactively and from anything in the future from any transaction, as in FOREVER.

Schadenfreude or not, if I'm taking the fall (pun intended) at least grant me the luxury of witnessing the train wreck. Thankfully I never actually touched her glasses or she'd be suing me, rest assured. Speaking of money, I would have happily paid to watch the debacle.

Posted by M: October 30, 2021

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